


My Heart’s Tied In Knots

by 2honeycomb_curls2



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25269877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2honeycomb_curls2/pseuds/2honeycomb_curls2
Summary: Merlin decides to tell Arthur his secret. After all, he’s his best friend. He deserves to know. What could go wrong?Turns out, very much can go wrong.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 311





	My Heart’s Tied In Knots

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at three in the morning in a Red Bull fueled creative episode while listening to my Vibes for Bottoms playlist, so expect it to be shit. Anyway, this is my first writing on this site but not my first fic, so please just accept this and pretend it’s not trash. K thanks.

Merlin may not know a lot, but he knows three things for sure, which is a lot more than some people could say, he thinks. 

The first thing Merlin knows, is that he cares for his friends. He loves them with his whole heart. He’s been close with all of them since he could barely walk, and when he says he would die for them, he means it in all seriousness. 

The second thing Merlin knows, is that they love him just the same. They all adored him, and it showed. Gwaine would mindlessly play with Merlin’s curls as they both carried on separate conversations. Morgana fixed anyone who even looked at Merlin the wrong way with her meanest glare, icy enough to pierce a heart. Gwen always baked double of whatever new recipe she was trying so Merlin could have something sweet to snack on. Leon never left the bar without first making sure Merlin had a ride. Percy reviewed all of his papers without being asked. Lance offered Merlin a piggy back ride any time they were walking for more than two blocks. 

The only one of his friends that Merlin was sure didn’t love Merlin back with the same intensity with he did them, was none other than Arthur Pendragon. Of course, that’s not to say that Arthur didn’t absolutely cherish Merlin. It was quite the opposite actually, seeing as Merlin had the boy wrapped around his finger. Arthur did love Merlin, there was no doubt about it. However Merlin was still positive Arthur didn’t love him with the same severity, which leads us to the third fact Merlin knows for sure. 

Merlin likes boys. 

In particular, Merlin likes Arthur. He loves him, actually. In fact, Merlin would go as far as to say he was IN love with Arthur fucking Pendragon. Which was not only a problem, but a secret one at that, seeing as he’s only ever told this to the diary that he definitely doesn’t have. 

These are the three facts of life that Merlin has steadied himself with since he was only fourteen and had crippling anxiety paired with horrendous acne and an exhaustingly poor self-image. 

Now, on his twentieth birthday, with clear skin and only a teensy bit of a big ego, Merlin feels as though he should share these facts of life with the aforementioned beloved friends. 

Of course, he probably should have done so before he allowed them to drag him to a sticky club in the name of celebration and get him (in Gwen’s words) absolutely shitfaced. 

“Everyone! Listen up. I have an announcement to make.” Merlin says to the group of beaming faces, only slurring his words slightly. 

“Speech!” Gwaine cheers, causing everyone to roll their eyes and chuckle. 

“Well, go on then!” Morgana shouts cheerily, her flushed cheeks giving away how much she’d been drinking. “Give us your speech, birthday boy!”

As everyone focuses on Merlin, faces shining bright in the dark club, Merlin feels his heart tie itself into knots as his eyes fall on one particular smile. Arthur is gazing adoringly up at the boy. Merlin thinks he might just melt on the spot, and maybe he’s a little too drunk to be making such a big decision, but he can’t seem to care. 

“There are only three things that I know for sure” Merlin begins. “And I’ve decided that tonight, I’m going to share those three things with you lot. Consider this my birthday gift to sober Merlin.” 

Everyone at the table cheered, fueling Merlin to continue speaking. “The first thing I know is that I, without a doubt, love each and every one of you.” He says it with so much sincerity that his voice cracks. All his friends coo, clearly pleased with the announcement. 

“You great big sap.” Arthur says fondly, receiving a playful slap on the chest from Gwen in response. Merlin chuckles. 

“The second thing I know, is that you guys love me too. Don’t even try to deny it. You’re all so good to me, it makes me think I must have saved entire universes in my past life to deserve having friends as great as yourselves. Thank you.” 

“Of course we love you, Merlin.” Leon says as a few of their friends subtly wipe their eyes, and Merlin wonders if they’re all as drunk as he is. 

“And now, for the final thing I know. I hope you’re all prepared for a surprise, cuz this one is a real shocker. At least I think it is. Either way. Here goes.” 

And Merlin is absolutely too drunk to be making this decision, but being the drunken fool he is, he can’t quite bring himself to care. 

“I’m gay!” He shouts. Throwing his hands up dramatically. “Woo! Bet you didn’t see that one com-“

He’s cut off by Morgana hugging him at full force, soon being followed by Gwaine, then Gwen, until eventually its one messy, massive group hug. And if Merlin smiles so hard his cheeks hurt, nobody seems to mind. 

~~~

When Merlin wakes up the next morning, his head is pounding so hard he’s sure it’s about to explode. He groans before rolling out of bed, promising to never drink again (a promise he absolutely will not keep.) 

Merlin groggily makes his way to the kitchen, where he finds a glass of water and two Advil set out for him. He takes the Advil, smiling slightly at the thought of Percy leaving it for him after dropping him off last night. As Merlin starts a pot of coffee, he goes through his messages. 

He has a text from Morgana asking how bad his hangover is (almost unbearable) and a voicemail from his mom reminding him that he left his coat at her place yesterday morning. He also has a series of text messages from Arthur.

Arthur: good morning sleepy head 

Arthur: I assume you’re not awake yet 

Arthur: we should get lunch today 

Arthur: unless, of course, you’re even worse about handling your drinks than I thought, in which case you’ll need a day to rest 

Arthur: let me know 

Merlin smirks, typing out a reply quickly before pouring himself a mug of black coffee. 

Merlin: worse than you thought??? My god, Arthur! I didn’t know you can think. This is incredible! 

Merlin: I’ll meet you at the diner by my house in an hour 

~~~

Merlin and Arthur have lunch at their favorite diner, a little hole-in-the-wall place by Merlin’s apartment that’s run by a wiry old man who always gives Merlin extra whipped cream with his hot chocolate (because everybody seems to treasure Merlin). 

They joke around as they eat, Arthur making some stupid joke at one point that makes Merlin laugh so hard soda spews out of his nose in a very undignified manner. 

They share a slice of apple pie after they’ve finished their meals. They split the bill and say their goodbyes to the owner before making their way back to Merlin’s apartment. 

Once they’ve settled on to the couch, with bellies full and a mug of tea each, Merlin turns on the tv and they watch a rerun of some old sitcom they can’t remember the name of. 

“So.” Arthur says casually after a spell of silence. “I’ve been thinking.” 

“Well, don’t think too hard. You could really hurt yourself.” Merlin quips back. 

Arthur shoves him playfully with his foot from where he sits on the other side of the couch. “Don’t be an idiot, Merlin. I’m trying to be serious here.” 

Merlin giggles. “My apologies. Please continue.” 

“As I was saying. I’ve been thinking about last night. About- about what you’ve told us.”

“Oh, yeah? What was that?” Merlin asks. He’d been rather drunk last night, and while the night isn’t completely blacked out, it was all just a big blur after his second round of shots.

“Well. You know.” Arthur stumbles over his words. “You know, when you told us that you, er... prefer the company of, well, men.”

Merlin chokes on his tea. “I did what?!” He says, panicking slightly. 

“You don’t remember?” Arthur asks unsurely. When he receives a head shake in response, he lets out a soft ‘oh’. 

“Not to worry, though.” Arthur says quickly in an attempt to comfort the boy. “I mean, everyone was really supportive. I mean, we all love you Merlin. Who you like doesn’t change that.” 

“Right.” Merlin says, even though he doesn’t side like he’s sure about his own words. “Yeah, I know. I knew you guys wouldn’t care. I just...wasn’t ready... for you to know.” He tries to explain, looking anywhere but at Arthur. 

“Ok. Well we’re not gonna like, tell anyone, or anything.” Arthur says. “I mean, that’s not cool. It’s your decision who you tell, of course.” 

Merlin chuckles half heartedly. “Right, except for drunk me apparently didn’t get the memo.” 

“Well, anyway. Like I was saying, I wanted to talk to you about what you said last night. What you said was really... I dunno. Inspiring, I guess. What I’m trying to say is that.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “If it makes you feel any better, I am... like you. Kinda. I’m bi.”

“Uh... cool.” Merlin says after a beat. 

“Cool?” Comes Arthur’s response. Merlin glances over at him to see that he looks more nervous than he sounds, his fingers drumming on his sides and his lip caught between his teeth. 

“Yeah, uh. But. It doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Can I ask why not?” Arthur questions, looking more confused than nervous now. 

“Uh, it’s just that... I knew you guys wouldn’t care about my sexuality. I knew that. But I didn’t wanna tell you guys because of... the person I have a crush on. Well, crush is putting it lightly. I’ve actually been infatuated with him for years. And I didn’t want to tell you guys I’m gay because I thought I would probably tell you who I love as a result since I’m a mess. And. I guess I was right. I don’t even know why I’m doing this.” 

“It’s your friend, Will. Isn’t it?” Arthur Ashe softly, so softly it’s almost a whisper. “He’s the one you love.” And Merlin could chalk it up to wishful thinking, but Arthur seems a little... sad. 

“No, Arthur. It’s not Will. It’s...”

Merlin considers changing his mind, but thinks that if Arthur can trust him with his secret, Merlin can do the same. 

“The person I’m interested in is you.” Merlin says quickly, cheeks burning and eyes trained to his feet. “It’s always been you, Arthur.”

There’s silence for a moment, and then Merlin hears Arthur get up off the couch. He heart feels heavy as he listens to Arthur’s footsteps nearing the door, and he feels tears prick his cheeks. Merlin listens to the sound of Arthur’s back pack zipper, tears silently falling. 

And then there’s a hand on his shoulder. Merlin looks up to see Arthur standing over him, arm outstretched to hand something to Merlin. “I didn’t give you your birthday present last night. Here you go.” 

Merlin takes the present, carefully opening it as Arthur settles in next to him. 

It’s a framed picture of the two of them. It had been taken at the beach near Arthur’s summer cottage, the one his mother had loved dearly. 

The picture is of the two boys on the beach, an old blanket spread out beneath them as they sit next to each other. Arthur has his hand thrown around Merlin’s shoulder, and they’re laughing at something. Merlin is looking at the the camera, eyes twinkling in the sunlight. 

Arthur is gazing at Merlin adoringly, as if he’s the only thing in the world that matters and the camera isn’t even there. 

“Merlin.” Arthur says, drawing his attention back to him. “I love you too, you great big idiot.” 

Merlin laughs, cupping Arthur’s face in his hands and leaning in to kiss him softly. A part of him still expects Arthur to pull away, but he doesn’t. 

So Merlin spends the day after his twentieth birthday kissing his best friend until he can’t breathe. 

And a few months later, when Morgana catches them making out, in a pub bathroom, she doesn’t even pretend to be surprised.


End file.
